Chaplain-Led Lunch & Learn Series focused on the human domain of leadership
Why?
We are in a people business à we are people managing people, and personing is hard
To equip persons in (or soon to be in) leadership positions with an awareness of the human-aspect of leadership, and provide tools for navigating these challenges with others and within themselves. The proposed topics were developed based on (1) personal observations of company leadership, (2) conversations with company leadership about gaps in their training/knowledge, and (3) feedback from lieutenants.
The information for these sessions comes from a combination of doctrine, counseling resources and theory, and experience
Norms:
Respect (for self, others)
Participation
Will be asking for takeaways from 3 persons at end
Willingness to Learn
Kicking off with identifying stress à specifically, being able to determine when we are in a crisis that demands our immediate attention vs. when it is just an uncomfortable feeling that we can slowly manage over time
Focusing on the emotional side vs. the situational, but this conversation can apply to situations as well
Discussion: How would you define these three words: stress, crisis, and discomfort?
Discussion: Take a minute on a piece of paper or typed on your computer to contemplate the following:
As an individual, how do you think you handle stress?
As a team, how do you think we handle stress?
Stress
What is stress? = a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or demanding circumstances; pressure or tension exerted on an object
Stress is our response to a circumstance
can grow from stress (eustress) or can be debilitating (debilitating) à depends on how we process the circumstance
Stress if often divided into 2 categories:
Eustress = positive form of stress having a beneficial effect on health, motivation, performance, and emotional well-being; releases endorphins
Example: challenging work assignment that energizes you, promotion, having a baby, running a marathon, etc. à as long as these are things you want and are rising to the challenge
“Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't kill their husbands, they just don't.” – Elle Woods, JD
Distress = non-specific symptoms of stress, anxiety, depression
Example: injuries that impair our ability to function, death of a loved one, losing a job, work opportunities that are too challenging, divorce
We are focusing on distress, and breaking it down further to be able to identify when that distress is just uncomfortable vs. when it is a crisis
Reminder: eustress can also be uncomfortable. The hope is that by learning to discern crisis from discomfort of distress, you can apply this to eustress, too.
à let’s unpack what both of these look like, starting with discomfort
Discomfort
What is it:
Deviation from the norm
Feelings like:
Grief
Anger
Sadness
Guilt
Shame
Embarrassment
Adrenaline rush
Excitement
Any other feeling you are not used to feeling
*All these could transform into a crisis if they alter our ability to function
Majority of what we experience is discomfort
This does not mean dismiss the feeling
Puts the feelings into perspective
Still deserves our time and attention so that we can process it well and the chance of turning into crisis decreases
Pausing here: Any questions about what we have discussed so far?
Crisis
Very little of what we experience as feelings, and as experiences, are crises à we as humans are just terrible at sitting with our emotions when we feel a slight discomfort. Any time we deviate from the norm, we jump into “freak out mode.”
What is it:
= crisis is the buildup of stressors to beyond a point where a person can handle the situation; it is a time of intense difficulty or danger, normally identified by some decisive point
Ie. the decisions made are “life or death,” life-altering (literal or metaphorical)
mental health crisis = any situation in which a person’s actions, feelings, and behaviors can lead to them hurting themselves or others, and/or put them at risk of being unable to care for themselves or function in the community in a healthy manner.
“…crisis is a perception or experience of an event or situation as an intolerable difficulty that exceeds the person’s current resources and coping mechanisms.” (James and Gilliland, 2001)
Stark changes in completion of daily tasks, diet, demeanor over time, withdrawal
Loss of sense of self, spiritual/existential dread
Physical illness, migraines/headaches, nausea à physiological impacts
Discussion: when you hear crisis, what are some examples that come to mind?
Discussion: Of these examples (or others), how might they differ from just an uncomfortable situation?
Examples of crises: traumatic events/exposure to trauma, natural disasters, life or death situations, crippling stress, existential crises, chronic mental health illness, death, divorce, etc. à each person’s “crisis” may be different depending on our lived experiences, emotional wellness, and prior exposures (crisis comes based on how we process a traumatic event)
Reminder: for both selves and others, still pay attention to what is being said; do not dismiss it because, for the person who is stressed, that feeling is real and they may be processing it as trauma or crisis à this knowledge only equips us to better navigate stress when it arises and provide the appropriate support – for ourselves, and others!
Pausing here: Any questions about what we have discussed so far?
Body: Why is it important to be able to distinguish these?
Discussion: Why do you think it is important to be able to identify how our stress is manifesting and distinguish between discomfort and crisis?
Yerkes-Dodson Curve
Peak performance vs. when in distress
When we experience stress, both eustress and distress, our threat system is activated and:
Amygdala channels all energy to body protection (“reptile brain”)
Senses Heightened
Information collected at significantly increase rate
Unnecessary functions suppressed
Our bodies jump into one of three modes:
Flight: run away
Fight: engage
Freeze: play dead/deer in headlights
If we can correctly identify our stress as:
Discomfort (both eustress or distress)
Eustress
Distress
Crisis
à then we can process how to respond well, slow ourselves down, and respond in a way that is appropriate for ourselves and for others à this has health benefits in the long and short term
If we do not correctly identify what is going on, then:
we remain in a heightened state of anxiety (flight, fight, freeze)
we do not address our feelings or the root of our problem à lingers
Become overwhelmed when it may not be necessary
Any of these make it hard to identify when something is a crisis that demands immediate attention vs. when something is just an uncomfortable feeling or situation à if not able to correctly identify or name what is going on, then we may not give it the appropriate response à which can lead to unnecessary heightened state of alarm for prolonged periods of time or ignoring a problem that does demand attention à which can lead to poor decision-making, burnout, exhaustion, resentment, neglect, poor health, chronic illnesses, diminished spirituality, existential crises, etc.
Body: Tips for Navigating Stress
These apply:
to ourselves and to others
in both crises and discomfort
just requires profound self-awareness to intervene during crisis
sometimes we cannot intervene like this when we are in true crisis à at that point, we need help
Goal: slow ourselves (or others) down enough to be able to rationally process a circumstance and work through it, rather than defaulting to processing a circumstance as crisis/trauma
(1) Breathe.
(2) Identify that you are stressed, and if the stress is healthy (eustress) or unhealthy (distress)
(3) Identify if you are feeling uncomfortable
If uncomfortable, identify the source of discomfort (physical, mental, spiritual, emotional, unfamiliarity, unease, etc.)
Then identify why it is that you are feeling that discomfort (are you literally in danger, do you just not know what to do, is this a new situation for you, has something traumatic or life-altering happened to you, etc.)
(4) Once this has been identified, continue to work to slow yourself down
Make lists of what is troubling you, what you need to get done
Workout, sing, dance to release energy
Meditate or do a mindfulness practice
Talk with someone (as available)
(5) once at a point where you have slowed down and regained your balance, then work on a plan to tackle the source of your stress
Prioritize, plan out your work, how to tackle a social issue, plan to receive the help you need, care for yourself, etc.
You can do all these things on your own before frantically engaging others and stirring everyone else up
Story of the boy who cried wolf?
Again, when in crisis, you may not be able to do any of the above:
Sometimes, you first need to remove yourself from the situation entirely before you can begin to be aware of how you are feeling and why
You may need help ASAP à call that resource
You may need to respond ASAP à do that
Then, once crisis is mitigated, go back to the process for managing discomfort
Much of what we talk about in our next sessions will talk about techniques to manage stress and our responses to circumstances over the long run à looking at establishing long term internal balance and harmony, rather than only short term interventions
Conclusion
Questions?
Discomfort is part of life, especially in positions of leadership à part of our job is to be able to manage our own stress to help lead our organization well à and this starts with being able to identify our stress and navigate it well in ourselves